Plot Summery: The Auditors are upset because the human race (although this appears to include all races on the Discworld, not just the humans) are living their lives in - what the Auditors consider to be - an unpredictable (and therefore not understandable) way. To fix this matter once and for all, they decide to convince a young clock maker, Jeremy Clockson, in Ankh-Morpork to build a perfect glass clock. They do not reveal that this will imprison Time (the anthropomorphic personification) and thereby freeze time (the physical quantity) on the Discworld. By freezing time, the Auditors intend to eliminate the unpredictability that humans cause through their everyday actions (and have enough time, for once, to file all the paperwork). Death discovers their plans, but is unable to act directly because he cannot see - and interact with - Time (the anthropomorphic personification). Instead, Death sends his granddaughter Susan to stop them, assisted (apparently) by the Death of Rats and Quoth the Raven.
Meanwhile, in a distant valley, a young apprentice of the History Monks, Lobsang Ludd, is apprenticed to Lu-Tze, known throughout the Oi Dong Monastery as 'The Sweeper'. Following a highly impressive patch-up job with time (the physical quantity) by Lobsang, he and Lu-Tze are brought before the Abbot, where they hear that a glass clock is being built. Lu-Tze knows of such a clock's side-effects, since he was sent to prevent a previous clock from being built in Überwald. However, due to the difficulties inherent in Überwald (including the difficulty in determining which specific bolt of lightning hitting which castle might start the glass clock) he failed to stop the original - but Time only froze for a moment before a metal spring snapped and caused the clock to shatter. Having figured out that the new glass clock would be likely built in Ankh-Morpork, Lu-Tze and Lobsang head for the city to try to stop Jeremy from building it.
The Auditors end up using one of their own as an agent when contacting Jeremy. Myria LeJean takes a human form and becomes quite disturbed by "her" experiences as "she" becomes more human and individual, as opposed to the collective Auditors. As she begins to understand more about humans, she opposes the activation of the clock and finds ways to delay its creation. This annoys the other Auditors who create human bodies of their own and - naming themselves after colours - they prevent Myria from smashing the clock with a hammer, and organise a localised storm, a bolt of lightning hits Jeremy Clockson's workshop and the clock is started. Lobsang Ludd is just smashing his way through the window of the workshop at the moment the clock starts, having been delayed when he went back to help Lu-Tze, but he is too late to stop it.
However, Lobsang is able to continue moving. He meets Susan Sto Helit (whose own attempts to stop the clock being started were less successful) and finds out after his time-storer stops spinning, that, as a creature not limited by time, he was not affected by the starting of the glass clock. Meeting up with Myria LeJean, they work to correct the problem and fight the Auditors. Since Myria is no longer part of the Collective hive mind of the Auditors, Susan suggests she change her name to Unity - which she likes.
Susan and the newly named Unity discover that Lobsang Ludd and Jeremy Clockson seem to share an astonishing mental connection. When Lobsang speaks, Jeremy (who was knocked unconscious by the lightning that started the clock and whose body was moved away from the Auditors by Myria/Unity) attempts to form the same words, despite his comatose state. Susan is able to shed light on this when she reveals that she met the midwife who brought Lobsang and Jeremy into the world - none other than the "best midwife in the world" - Nanny Ogg. Nanny has told her that she delivered two boys an instant apart and Susan realises that both Lobsang and Jeremy are the same person.
Lobsang and Jeremy become infused, although they are nothing more than blue mist to begin with. Susan continues to call the mist Lobsang, since she is told that "Lobsang had the better memories". Using chocolate, Susan, Unity and a re-animated Lu-Tze kill a number of Auditors (the taste sensation of chocolate literally blows them away) and Lobsang is able to destroy the clock, freeing Time and unfreezing time.
Throughout the story, Death is trying to round-up the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse, War, Famine and Pestilence, none of whom want to join up. The Fifth Horseman - Ronnie Soak (originally called Kaos - Soak spelled backwards - as in Chaos) who left before they became famous - agrees to join Death in the fight against the Auditors, and the other three also arrive as the battle prepares to start. Kaos is useful due to his sword of chaos, which goes against the rules and though flaming, is used to keep his milk cool. An Angel with an Iron book appears during the battle. It is not explained who won the fight, but since Death (at least) appears in books set chronologically later it can only be assumed that the Horsemen triumphed.
Adaptations: None Known
Favourite Quotes:
"Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean."
Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.
"No running with scythes!"
Reading Time: Started Saturday 25th July 2015 - Finished Friday 31st July 2015
Published: 2001
Plot Summery: A message, carried by pointless albatross, arrives for Lord Vetinari from the Agatean Empire. The message explains that the Silver Horde (a group of aged barbarians introduced in Interesting Times, wherein they conquered the Empire, and led by Cohen the Barbarian, now the Emperor) have set out on a quest. The first hero of the Discworld, "Fingers" Mazda, stole fire from the gods and gave it to mankind (analogous to Prometheus), and was chained to a rock to be torn open daily by a giant eagle as punishment. As the last heroes remaining on the Disc, the Silver Horde seek to return fire to the gods with interest, in the form of a large sled packed with explosive Agatean Thunder Clay. They plan to blow up the gods at their mountain home, Cori Celesti.
The heroes are disillusioned with the way their lives have turned out—having conquered the Empire, they have nothing left to do but die in comfort—and are angry for having been allowed to grow old, rather than dying in battle as most of their friends did. They decided to go out on the quest after one of the Horde members choked to death on a cucumber.
The Wizards of Unseen University explain to Lord Vetinari that blowing up Cori Celesti will destroy the Discworld by temporarily disrupting the Disc's magical field—the only thing holding the Disc together—so Vetinari organises an effort to stop the Horde. Since the Horde is already near the centre of the Discworld and the home of the gods, speed is of the essence. Vetinari recruits Leonard of Quirm to design the Discworld's second known spacecraft to slingshot under the Discworld and back around the top, landing on Cori Celesti.
The vessel, named "The Kite" by Leonard, can carry only three people. Leonard of Quirm, Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, and Rincewind are selected for the trip. The Librarian accidentally stumbles aboard as well, having fallen asleep behind some crates of equipment while loading The Kite. After a few mishaps, including landing on the moon (to replenish their oxygen supply after the Librarian's unexpected presence threatened to leave them without enough air to survive the trip) and nearly having their swamp dragon powered spaceship explode on them, they crash in a spectacular fashion at, or rather, into the main gate of Cori Celesti.
Meanwhile, the Horde have already reached Cori Celesti. The Horde suspect that the gods have been manipulating their entire quest. Fate challenges Cohen to a game where he must roll higher than what Fate rolls on a standard 6-sided die. After Fate rolls a 6, Cohen cheats Fate by slicing the die in-half in mid-air with his sword; the two halves land with the 6 and 1 both facing up. Cohen also notes that even if he doesn't succeed in killing the gods, someone will have tried, so someone will eventually try harder.
Captain Carrot attempts to arrest the Horde, at which point the Horde arms the explosives. While initially intending to attack him, the Horde realise that as a single brave man outnumbered by his foes and trying to save the world, Carrot is a Hero (and probably a king in disguise), and so their defeat is certain. After Rincewind explains that the detonation will destroy the entire Discworld, the Horde grab the explosives and throw them—and themselves—off the mountain.
As punishment for creating The Kite (which allowed humans to travel higher than the gods) and for not expressing belief in the gods, Leonard is ordered by the gods to paint the entire ceiling of the Temple of Small Gods with a spectacular mural of the whole world. They impose a time limit of 10 years on the task—unassisted, "even with the scaffolding". (Leonard finishes the task in a few weeks.) Carrot asks for a boon to allow for the repairs of The Kite so that they can return to Ankh-Morpork. Rincewind asks for a blue balloon and the Librarian asks for some library supplies (and a red balloon).
The Horde's end is ambiguous. Death does not appear to them, as he often does when Discworld characters die, although he subsequently appears to Vena, and is evasive about whether he is "collecting".
Adaptations: None Known
Favourite Quotes:
“Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough.”
“No one remembers the singer. The song remains.”
“On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance.”
Reading Time: Started Saturday 1st August 2015 - Finished Wednesday 5th July 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment