Crafty Catz DT - Fantasy/Fairy

 

Morning all, 

Here's to the end of another week - it's been a trying one, not least because of the stupid cold I'm suffering with. Got to love to hate this time of year. 

Anyway, Friday morning means a new challenge at Crafty Catz and this week its my theme and I would like to see Fantasy or Fairy inspired cards. We are sponsored this week by Morgan's Art World who are kindly offering our lucky winner a  3 images of their choice

The image I used on my card this week is called Gerient and Enid.

My card this week is inspired by my love of reading and the books are all scraps of paper, I created a book with the digi and made it stand up from the page, I manipulated it in photoshop so that it was at an angle. The image is coloured with distress inks and promarkers.

I printed one of my all time favourite Pratchett quotes out onto velum to finish the design. It's the perfect sentiment about Fantasy - "So you're saying humans need fantasies to make life bearable?" "No, humans need fantasy to BE human" - too right! 

I hope you like the design, it was fun to make, more like a journal page really but it was an idea that wouldn't leave me alone. I quite like how it turned out, even if it is quite muted in colour. 

Anyway, I look forward to seeing what you create. Until next time, happy crafting! 

Night Watch and Monstrous Regiment - Discworld Reading Challenge

One thing to clarify before I play catch up again on the book reviews. Before anyone jumps up and down telling me I've missed a book out. I know. I made the decision to read Amazing Maurice and the Tiffany Aching Books all together at the end of the run so that I can read all of Tiffany's story in one go, finishing with The Shephard's Crown. It seemed the most fitting end to the challenge - that's not to say I don't have the book. I do and it's teasing me to read it but I'm going to behave (besides there are other family members who want to read it so they'll be finished by the time I want it). So back to the reviews

Published: 2002

Plot Summery: On the morning of the 30th anniversary of the Glorious Revolution of the Twenty-Fifth of May (and as such the anniversary of the death of John Keel, Vimes' hero and former mentor), Sam Vimes is caught in a magical storm while pursuing Carcer Dun, a notorious criminal. He awakens to find that he has been rescued by Miss Palm (whom Vimes knows in the future as Mrs Palm, Head of the Guild of Seamstresses – seamstresses referring to prostitutes). He determines that he has somehow been sent back in time.

Vimes's first idea is to ask the wizards at the Unseen University to send him home, but before he can act on this, he is arrested for breaking curfew by a younger version of himself. Incarcerated in a cell next to his is Carcer, who after being released joins the Unmentionables, the secret police carrying out the paranoid whims of the Patrician of the time, Lord Winder.

When he is taken to be interrogated by the captain, time is frozen by Lu-Tze, who tells Vimes what has happened and that he must assume the identity of Sergeant-At-Arms John Keel, who was to have arrived that day but was murdered by Carcer. It is stated that the event which caused Vimes and Carcer to be sent into the past was a major temporal shattering. Vimes then returns to the office, time restarts and he convinces the captain that he is Keel.

Young Vimes believes Vimes to be Keel, allowing Vimes to teach Young Vimes the lessons for which Vimes idolized Keel. The novel climaxes in the Revolution. Vimes, taking command of the watchmen, successfully avoids the major bloodshed erupting all over the city and manages to keep his part of it relatively peaceful. After dealing with the Unmentionables' headquarters he has his haphazard forces barricade a few streets to keep people safe from the fighting between rebels and soldiers. However, the barricades are gradually pushed forward during the night (by Fred Colon and several other simple-minded watchmen) to encompass the surrounding streets until Vimes finds himself in control of a quarter of the city, dubbed "The Glorious People's Republic of Treacle Mine Road", with a still alive Reg Shoe as one of the leading figures.

The ruler, Lord Winder, is effectively assassinated by the young Assassin's Guild student Havelock Vetinari, and the new Patrician Lord Snapcase calls for a complete amnesty. However, he sees Keel as a threat and sends Carcer to lead a death squad of Unmentionables, watchmen and the palace guard to murder Keel. Several policemen (the ones who died when the barricade fell in the original timeline) are killed in the battle, as is Reg Shoe; Vimes manages to fight off the attack until he can grab Carcer, at which point they are returned to the future and Keel's body is placed in the timeline Vimes has just left, to tie things up, as in the "real" history, Keel died in that fight.

Vimes' son is born, with the help of Doctor "Mossy" Lawn, whom Vimes met while in the past, and Vimes finally arrests Carcer, promising him a fair trial before he is hanged. A subsequent conversation with Lord Vetinari reveals that the Patrician alone knows Vimes took Keel's place, also that he fought alongside Keel's men against Carcer's death squad. He proposes that the old Watch House at Treacle Mine Road (where Keel was sergeant, and which was destroyed by the dragon in Guards! Guards!) be rebuilt.

Adaptations:  A five-part radio adaptation of the novel was broadcast on BBC Radio 4 from February 27, 2008 

Favourite Quotes:

"Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes."

When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."

“Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery.” 

Reading Time: Started Saturday 1st August 2015 - Finished Wednesday 5th August 2015

Published: 2004

Plot Summery: The bulk of Monstrous Regiment takes place in the small, bellicose country of Borogravia, a highly conservative country, whose people live according to the increasingly psychotic decrees of its favored deity, Nuggan. The main feature of his religion is the Abominations; a long, often-updated list of banned things. To put this in perspective, these things include garlic, cats, the smell of beets, people with ginger hair, shirts with six buttons, anyone shorter than three feet (including children and babies), sneezing, rocks, ears, jigsaw puzzles, chocolate, and the colour blue.

The list of "Abominations Unto Nuggan" often causes conflicts with Borogravia's neighbours, and the uncertain whereabouts of Nuggan leads the inhabitants of Borogravia to deify their Duchess, to whom they pray instead. This slowly causes problems as, on the Discworld, belief grants power. Borogravia is in the midst of a war against an alliance of neighbouring countries, caused by a border dispute with the country of Zlobenia. Rumour is that the war is going poorly for Borogravia, though the country's leadership (and "everyone") denies it.

Polly Perks's brother Paul is missing in action after fighting in the Borogravian army. Paul is a bit slow and not altogether right in the head, and even though Polly is more qualified to take over the family business (a famous pub known as "The Duchess"), according to Nugganitic law, women cannot own property, so if Paul does not return, the pub will be lost to their drunken cousin when their father dies. Accordingly, Polly sets off to join the army in order to find him. Women joining the army are regarded as an Abomination Unto Nuggan, so Polly decides to dress up as a man (another Abomination) and enlists as Private Oliver Perks (taking her name from the folk song Sweet Polly Oliver).

While signing up, Polly encounters the repulsively patriotic Corporal Strappi, and the corpulent Sergeant Jackrum. Despite her apprehensions regarding Strappi, she kisses the Duchess - that is, she kisses a painting of said noble - and by doing so, joins up. Due to the shortage of troops, her fellow soldiers include a vampire named Maladict, a Troll named Carborundum, and an Igor named Igor. They also include "Tonker" Halter, "Shufti" Manickle, "Wazzer" Goom, and "Lofty" Tewt.

That night, Polly encounters a mysterious voice, which assures her that although he or she knows that Polly is a girl, they won't give her away. The voice also gives her some hints on how not to be discovered. Over the next few days, Polly makes a startling discovery: Lofty is also a girl. Since Lofty and Tonker are always together, Polly assumes that Lofty joined the army to follow her man, just like in "Sweet Polly Oliver". Later, she finds out that Shufti is another girl, and a pregnant one. She also joined the army to find her man; in this case, the father of her child, who she'd only known for a few days, and is known as Johnny.

Gradually, Polly discovers not only that everyone in her regiment, except Maladict, is a woman, but also confirmation of Borogravia's bleak situation. Most of her country's forces are captured or on the run, and food supplies are limited. This point is driven home when Igor (actually Igorina) demonstrates her surgery talents and saves several lives among a group of badly injured fleeing soldiers.

The regiment, under the leadership of their inexperienced commanding officer Lieutenant Blouse, makes its way toward the Keep where the enemy is based. Meanwhile, thanks to a chance encounter where the regiment unknowingly subdues and humiliates an elite enemy detachment, including Zlobenia's Prince Heinrich, their exploits become known to the outside world through William de Worde and his newspaper. Their progress particularly piques the interest of Commander Vimes, who is stationed with the alliance at the Keep. Vimes has his officers keep track of the regiment, occasionally secretly providing aid.

Polly and most of the regiment are able to infiltrate the Keep, disguising themselves as washerwomen, and once inside plot to release the captured Borogravian troops. They manage to do so, and Borogravia is able to retake much of the Keep, but when Polly admits they are women, their own forces remove them from the conflict and they are brought in front of a council of senior officers, where their fate will be decided. With the council about to discharge them and force them to return home, Jackrum barges in and intervenes, revealing that several of the military's top officers are actually women as well. But in the midst of this revelation, the Duchess, now raised to the level of a small deity by Borogravia's belief, takes brief possession of Wazzer, her most passionate believer. The Duchess urges all of the generals to quit the war and return home, to repair their country, returning their kiss of service, and ending their obligation to her.

In the aftermath of this event, Polly eventually discovers that even Jackrum himself is a woman. The regiment is sent to the enemy and successfully negotiates a truce, and military rules are changed so that women are allowed to serve openly and Maladict reveals himself as really being Maladicta. Polly finds her brother alive and well and returns home to The Duchess. One of her regiment "sisters" becomes the new leader of her country, having been driven by religious visions.

Sometime later, despite the peace they had desperately fought for, conflict breaks out again. Polly sneaks away from her profitable tavern to seek new ways to fight a war using the influence she gained and finds herself in the role of commander of boy-impersonating females who are marching off to war. 

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes: 

“Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?” 

“The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people and no one has the right to be stupid.” 

“It's not lying when you do it to officers!” 

“It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.” 

Reading Time: Started Thursday 6th August 2015 - Finished Tuesday 11th August 2015

Thief of Time and The Last Hero - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 2001

Plot Summery: The Auditors are upset because the human race (although this appears to include all races on the Discworld, not just the humans) are living their lives in - what the Auditors consider to be - an unpredictable (and therefore not understandable) way. To fix this matter once and for all, they decide to convince a young clock maker, Jeremy Clockson, in Ankh-Morpork to build a perfect glass clock. They do not reveal that this will imprison Time (the anthropomorphic personification) and thereby freeze time (the physical quantity) on the Discworld. By freezing time, the Auditors intend to eliminate the unpredictability that humans cause through their everyday actions (and have enough time, for once, to file all the paperwork). Death discovers their plans, but is unable to act directly because he cannot see - and interact with - Time (the anthropomorphic personification). Instead, Death sends his granddaughter Susan to stop them, assisted (apparently) by the Death of Rats and Quoth the Raven.

Meanwhile, in a distant valley, a young apprentice of the History Monks, Lobsang Ludd, is apprenticed to Lu-Tze, known throughout the Oi Dong Monastery as 'The Sweeper'. Following a highly impressive patch-up job with time (the physical quantity) by Lobsang, he and Lu-Tze are brought before the Abbot, where they hear that a glass clock is being built. Lu-Tze knows of such a clock's side-effects, since he was sent to prevent a previous clock from being built in Überwald. However, due to the difficulties inherent in Überwald (including the difficulty in determining which specific bolt of lightning hitting which castle might start the glass clock) he failed to stop the original - but Time only froze for a moment before a metal spring snapped and caused the clock to shatter. Having figured out that the new glass clock would be likely built in Ankh-Morpork, Lu-Tze and Lobsang head for the city to try to stop Jeremy from building it.

The Auditors end up using one of their own as an agent when contacting Jeremy. Myria LeJean takes a human form and becomes quite disturbed by "her" experiences as "she" becomes more human and individual, as opposed to the collective Auditors. As she begins to understand more about humans, she opposes the activation of the clock and finds ways to delay its creation. This annoys the other Auditors who create human bodies of their own and - naming themselves after colours - they prevent Myria from smashing the clock with a hammer, and organise a localised storm, a bolt of lightning hits Jeremy Clockson's workshop and the clock is started. Lobsang Ludd is just smashing his way through the window of the workshop at the moment the clock starts, having been delayed when he went back to help Lu-Tze, but he is too late to stop it.

However, Lobsang is able to continue moving. He meets Susan Sto Helit (whose own attempts to stop the clock being started were less successful) and finds out after his time-storer stops spinning, that, as a creature not limited by time, he was not affected by the starting of the glass clock. Meeting up with Myria LeJean, they work to correct the problem and fight the Auditors. Since Myria is no longer part of the Collective hive mind of the Auditors, Susan suggests she change her name to Unity - which she likes.

Susan and the newly named Unity discover that Lobsang Ludd and Jeremy Clockson seem to share an astonishing mental connection. When Lobsang speaks, Jeremy (who was knocked unconscious by the lightning that started the clock and whose body was moved away from the Auditors by Myria/Unity) attempts to form the same words, despite his comatose state. Susan is able to shed light on this when she reveals that she met the midwife who brought Lobsang and Jeremy into the world - none other than the "best midwife in the world" - Nanny Ogg. Nanny has told her that she delivered two boys an instant apart and Susan realises that both Lobsang and Jeremy are the same person.

Lobsang and Jeremy become infused, although they are nothing more than blue mist to begin with. Susan continues to call the mist Lobsang, since she is told that "Lobsang had the better memories". Using chocolate, Susan, Unity and a re-animated Lu-Tze kill a number of Auditors (the taste sensation of chocolate literally blows them away) and Lobsang is able to destroy the clock, freeing Time and unfreezing time.

Throughout the story, Death is trying to round-up the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse, War, Famine and Pestilence, none of whom want to join up. The Fifth Horseman - Ronnie Soak (originally called Kaos - Soak spelled backwards - as in Chaos) who left before they became famous - agrees to join Death in the fight against the Auditors, and the other three also arrive as the battle prepares to start. Kaos is useful due to his sword of chaos, which goes against the rules and though flaming, is used to keep his milk cool. An Angel with an Iron book appears during the battle. It is not explained who won the fight, but since Death (at least) appears in books set chronologically later it can only be assumed that the Horsemen triumphed. 

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes:

"Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean."

Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.

"No running with scythes!"

Reading Time: Started Saturday 25th July 2015 - Finished Friday 31st July 2015

Published: 2001

Plot Summery: A message, carried by pointless albatross, arrives for Lord Vetinari from the Agatean Empire. The message explains that the Silver Horde (a group of aged barbarians introduced in Interesting Times, wherein they conquered the Empire, and led by Cohen the Barbarian, now the Emperor) have set out on a quest. The first hero of the Discworld, "Fingers" Mazda, stole fire from the gods and gave it to mankind (analogous to Prometheus), and was chained to a rock to be torn open daily by a giant eagle as punishment. As the last heroes remaining on the Disc, the Silver Horde seek to return fire to the gods with interest, in the form of a large sled packed with explosive Agatean Thunder Clay. They plan to blow up the gods at their mountain home, Cori Celesti. 

The heroes are disillusioned with the way their lives have turned out—having conquered the Empire, they have nothing left to do but die in comfort—and are angry for having been allowed to grow old, rather than dying in battle as most of their friends did. They decided to go out on the quest after one of the Horde members choked to death on a cucumber. 

The Wizards of Unseen University explain to Lord Vetinari that blowing up Cori Celesti will destroy the Discworld by temporarily disrupting the Disc's magical field—the only thing holding the Disc together—so Vetinari organises an effort to stop the Horde. Since the Horde is already near the centre of the Discworld and the home of the gods, speed is of the essence. Vetinari recruits Leonard of Quirm to design the Discworld's second known spacecraft to slingshot under the Discworld and back around the top, landing on Cori Celesti.

The vessel, named "The Kite" by Leonard, can carry only three people. Leonard of Quirm, Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, and Rincewind are selected for the trip. The Librarian accidentally stumbles aboard as well, having fallen asleep behind some crates of equipment while loading The Kite. After a few mishaps, including landing on the moon (to replenish their oxygen supply after the Librarian's unexpected presence threatened to leave them without enough air to survive the trip) and nearly having their swamp dragon powered spaceship explode on them, they crash in a spectacular fashion at, or rather, into the main gate of Cori Celesti.

Meanwhile, the Horde have already reached Cori Celesti. The Horde suspect that the gods have been manipulating their entire quest. Fate challenges Cohen to a game where he must roll higher than what Fate rolls on a standard 6-sided die. After Fate rolls a 6, Cohen cheats Fate by slicing the die in-half in mid-air with his sword; the two halves land with the 6 and 1 both facing up. Cohen also notes that even if he doesn't succeed in killing the gods, someone will have tried, so someone will eventually try harder.

Captain Carrot attempts to arrest the Horde, at which point the Horde arms the explosives. While initially intending to attack him, the Horde realise that as a single brave man outnumbered by his foes and trying to save the world, Carrot is a Hero (and probably a king in disguise), and so their defeat is certain. After Rincewind explains that the detonation will destroy the entire Discworld, the Horde grab the explosives and throw them—and themselves—off the mountain.

As punishment for creating The Kite (which allowed humans to travel higher than the gods) and for not expressing belief in the gods, Leonard is ordered by the gods to paint the entire ceiling of the Temple of Small Gods with a spectacular mural of the whole world. They impose a time limit of 10 years on the task—unassisted, "even with the scaffolding". (Leonard finishes the task in a few weeks.) Carrot asks for a boon to allow for the repairs of The Kite so that they can return to Ankh-Morpork. Rincewind asks for a blue balloon and the Librarian asks for some library supplies (and a red balloon).

The Horde's end is ambiguous. Death does not appear to them, as he often does when Discworld characters die, although he subsequently appears to Vena, and is evasive about whether he is "collecting".

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes:

“Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough.” 

“‎No one remembers the singer. The song remains.” 

“On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance.” 

Reading Time: Started Saturday 1st August 2015 - Finished Wednesday 5th July 2015

The Truth - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 2000

Plot Summery: William de Worde is the black sheep of an influential Ankh-Morpork family, scraping out a humble lifestyle as a common scribe and making extra pocket money by producing a gossipy newsletter for foreign notables.


Meanwhile, a conspiracy is afoot in the city to depose the Patrician, Lord Vetinari. The wealthy and powerful (but anonymous) Committee to Unelect the Patrician hire Mr. Pin and Mr. Tulip, a pair of villainous mercenaries from outside Ankh-Morpork known as the New Firm, to frame Vetinari with a staged embezzlement. Pin and Tulip manage to catch off-guard the normally impassible Patrician with Charlie, a witless Vetinari look-alike that they had previously kidnapped and forced to collaborate. The plan starts going south, though, when Drumknott, Vetinari's clerk returns in middle of the scene and the New Firm is forced to stab him and render Vetinari unconscious, hoping to also frame him for murder; their efforts are hampered by Lord Vetinari’s prized terrier, Wuffles, who manages to escape, not before having bitten Mr. Pin.

William makes the mistake of advertising a reward for information leading to Wuffles' recovery. An anonymous tipster named "Deep Bone" (actually Gaspode, the talking dog who operates as the brains of the beggar crew who sell the Times) helps William track down Wuffles and "translate" his testimony, giving William the last pieces of the puzzle. In the meantime, Sacharissa accidentally discovers the New Firm’s hideout in William’s own family manor and is captured by the pair of thugs —who had returned to dispose of Charlie. They head back to the Times hoping to exchange her for Wuffles and then, silence all witnesses. In the ensuing struggle a lamp explodes and the Times' offices catch fire.

William and the others manage to escape outside while Pin and Tulip hide in the cellar. Hot melted lead from the destroyed printing press leaks down on them through the roof, and Pin resorts to murdering his partner so that he can save himself by standing on the much larger man’s corpse. Pin, now only partially sane, emerges from the cellars and attacks William once the fire is out, only to be killed when he is impaled on the memo spike from William’s desk.

The big story breaks the next day and Lord Vetinari’s name is cleared just before a new, Guild-controlled Patrician would have seized power. The New Firm, meanwhile, discuss the finer points of reincarnation, and who does and does not merit it, with Death.

After the recordings on the dis-organiser help William discover the identity of the man behind the Committee to Unelect —his own estranged father, Lord de Worde, he decides to confront him. A tense argument, blackmail with the threaten of exposure, a life's worth fortune in jewels and the less-than-tender ministrations of Otto fail to intimidate De Worde into leave the city in exile as William demands. However, after learning that his machinations nearly ended killing his own son, he admits defeat and walks away.

In the end William is ambivalent about the new and unexpected role of the free press in his life and in the world, but resolves that someone must tell the public the truth about what goes on in the city, even if the public doesn't want to hear it. The Times comes to be recognized, if not exactly welcomed, by the powers that be in the city.

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes:

The world is made up of four elements: Earth, Air, Fire and Water. This is a fact well known even to Corporal Nobbs. It's also wrong. There's a fifth element, and generally it's called Surprise.

A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN? The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of potato. SQUEAK, he said. Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.

Reading Time: Started Friday 17th July 2015 - Finished Friday 24th July 2015

The Fifth Elephant - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1999

Plot Summery: The Ankh-Morpork City Watch is expanding; there is now a Traffic department with traffic cameras implemented using iconograph technology and a wheel clamping team, and the clacks is beginning to replace homing pigeons for communications between officers. The Watch is also investigating the theft of the replica Scone of Stone (a parody of the real-life Stone of Scone) from the Ankh-Morpork Dwarf Bread Museum. (The Scone of Stone in the novel is kept under close guard in a dwarf mine in Überwald, and will form a vital part of the forthcoming coronation ceremony of the dwarfs' new Low King.)

Samuel Vimes, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and Duke of Ankh, is sent to the remote region of Überwald as an ambassador to take advantage of the coronation to negotiate with the new Low King on increased imports of fat. Überwald is also the traditional home of the Disc's dwarfs who are about to enthrone a new Low King. A cabal of local werewolves seek to exploit this opportunity to destabilize the already deeply divided dwarf society. They instigate the apparent theft of the real Scone of Stone from its closely guarded cave, hoping to cause a civil war between traditionalists and progressive dwarfs and isolate the country under the werewolves' feudal leadership.

In his official capacity as ambassador Vimes meets the leaders of the local vampires, werewolves and dwarfs, starting to investigate the planned putsch along the way. Meanwhile, back in Ankh-Morpork, Angua learns that Wolfgang, her werewolf brother, is the head of the conspiracy and sets out to Überwald to stop him. 

The Ankh-Morpork City Watch recover the replica Scone of Stone. It is undamaged, but they suspect that someone has made a replica of the replica. In Überwald, Vimes extends his activities to include an unofficial investigation into the theft of the real Scone of Stone. He rapidly determines that the dwarfs' system of guard on it is nothing like as secure as the dwarfs think it is and that the Scone could have been stolen in a number of different ways without too much difficulty. 

Back in their embassy the Morporkians are once more attacked by Wolfgang. In a final stand-off, he resists arrest and is killed by Commander Vimes with a Clacks flare. With the Low King's regalia returned, the enthronement ceremony finally takes place, and Vimes is granted prime rates for fat imports to Ankh-Morpork, thus fulfilling his original mission.

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes:

You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was "but we've always done it this way." A million dead people can't have been wrong, can they?

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

As castles went, this one looked as though it could be taken by a small squad of not very efficient soldiers. For defence, putting a blanket over your head might be marginally safer.

Reading Time: Started Saturday 11th July 2015 - Finished Thursday 16th July 2015

Carpe Jugulum - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1998

Plot Summery: Count Magpyr and family are invited to the naming of Magrat and King Verence's daughter, to be conducted by the Omnian priest, Mightily Oats. During the party after the ceremony, Verence informs Nanny Ogg and Agnes Nitt that the Count has informed him that the Magpyr family intend to move into Lancre Castle and take over. Due to a type of hypnotism, everyone seems to consider this plan to be perfectly acceptable. Only the youngest witch, Agnes, and the Omnian priest, Mightily Oats, seem able to resist the vampiric mind control, due to their dual personalities. Because of her ability to resist his influence the Magpyr son, Vlad, is attracted to Agnes and makes many advances on her including trying to convince her to become a vampire.

Meanwhile, Granny Weatherwax, feeling slighted by not receiving an invitation to the ceremony, has left her cottage empty and seems to be working towards a life in a cave, almost like a hermit. After they have left the hypnotic influence of the Vampires, Agnes, Nanny Ogg and Magrat attempt to convince her to help them save Lancre, but apparently without success, even after Granny is informed that her invitation was stolen by a magpie, (which Granny actually already knew, the real reason she's retreated is because she's trying (and thus-far failing) to find a way around the Vampires' powerful minds).

So the three witches return to Lancre to take on the Count and his family without her, but because the Magpyr family have built up a tolerance for the normal methods of defeating a vampire, such as garlic, bright light, and religious symbols, this is not so easily done. Just when it seems all is lost Granny Weatherwax comes through the front door soaked to the bone and swaying with exhaustion. Nanny Ogg and Magrat use Granny's assault upon the Count as a distraction to escape, leaving Granny, Agnes and Brother Oats with the Vampires. Granny is able to get through the Counts defenses but is unable to strike him down and the Magpyrs feed on her, with the intention of transforming her into a vampire.

Granny Weatherwax struggles against the vampirism inside her and thrusts the pain this causes into the iron of the castle forges anvil. She is only able to defeat the vampirism after she looks inside of herself and faces the darker side of her nature, but the struggle leaves her barely able to stand, let alone defeat the Count.

While Magrat and her daughter hide in Igor's dungeon quarters Nanny and Igor begin fighting against the Magpyrs, using the considerable stock of Holy water and other religious symbols that were originally collected by old Count Magpyr (who is described as having been "a sportsman"). Surprisingly (for the Magpyr family, at least) the old-fashioned ways to defeat vampires that they thought themselves protected against start to work again. They are even more horrified when they find out that Igor has re-awakened the old Count Magpyr, (having gone into his crypt and spilled a drop of blood on the old Count's cremation ashes), and that the people of Überwald would prefer the old Count to their new, modern type of vampirism. The Magpyrs are attacked (and presumably killed—though probably not permanently) by the citizens of Überwald and the witches return to Lancre.

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes: 

Lancre operated on the feudal system, which was to say, everyone feuded all the time and handed on the fight to their descendants.

- "Remember -- that which does not kill us can only make us stronger."

- "And that which does kill us leaves us dead!"

Perdita thought that not obeying rules was somehow cool. Agnes thought that rules like "Don't fall into this huge pit of spikes" were there for a purpose.

Reading Time: Started Monday 6th July 2015 - Finished Friday 10th July 2015

Jingo and Last Continent - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1997

Plot Summery: With the opening of the novel, the island of Leshp, which had been submerged under the Circle Sea for centuries, rises to the surface. Its position, exactly halfway between Ankh-Morpork and Al Khali (the capital of Klatch), makes the island a powerful strategical point for whoever lays claim to it, which both cities do.

In Ankh-Morpork, a Klatchian Prince named Khufurah is parading through Ankh-Morpork, where he will be presented with a Degree in Sweet Fanny Adams but an assassination attempt occurs, and the Prince is wounded. Sir Samuel Vimes, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, begins investigating the crime, originally suspecting both a Klatchian named 71-Hour Ahmed and a senior Morporkian peer, Lord Rust, of being involved.

The attempted assassination breaks off relations between Ankh-Morpork and Klatch as Prince Khufurah's brother, Prince Cadram, effectively declares war on the city of Ankh-Morpork. At this point, Havelock Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, resigns—apparently of his own free will—and Lord Rust takes command of the city. Vetinari has refused to become involved in the war with Klatch, due to the fact Ankh-Morpork does not have an army to stand against any opposing forces, but Rust declares Martial law and orders the city's noble families to revive their old private regiments.

Vimes, refusing to follow Rust (whom he considers to be a pillock) stands down as Commander of the Watch. Captain Carrot resigns as well, as do Sergeant Colon, Sergeant Detritus and Corporal Angua. The idea of putting the watch under the command of Corporal Nobbs is rejected by the ruling Council of Guild leaders and the Watch is disbanded. Vimes then recruits the Watch into his own private army regiment.

Vetinari, Leonard of Quirm, Colon, and Nobby end up in Leonard's "Going-Under-the-Water-Safely Device" and discover that Leshp is actually floating on top of a huge bubble of gas and that the gas is escaping from said bubble, meaning that Leshp will, ultimately, sink back under the sea again.

Vimes catches up with 71-hour Ahmed and has, by this time, figured out that Ahmed is a fellow policeman. Ahmed and his band of Klatchian D'regs and Vimes army head towards Gebra, in Klatch, where the war is due to start.

To help blend in, Vetinari, Nobby and Fred Colon get hold of some Klatchian clothing and head to Gebra. Arriving at Gebra they discover that Carrot has convinced the two armies to get together and play a game of football (he has an inflatable football in his backpack for just such an emergency), Vimes is preparing to arrest both Klatchian Prince Cadram and Lord Rust for various breaches of the peace (such as being prepared for war) and 71-hour Ahmed is supporting him. Vetinari prevents an international incident by ostensibly declaring the surrender of Ankh-Morpork and offering war reparations. To be ratified on Leshp in one week.

Vetinari is returned to Ankh-Morpork, under arrest and in disgrace, but as Leshp has vanished back under the sea again, the treaty was to be signed in a non-existent territory and thus the charge of treason is invalid. Seeing he has been tricked, and with the people and generals turning against him, Prince Cadram flees, with 71-hour Ahmed in pursuit and his brother Khufurah recovers and resumed control of Klatch. Vimes is informed that Vetinari has been "reminded" that the old rank of Commander was the same as the old rank of Duke. He objects, claiming that only a King can make a Duke, but then realises that Carrot was speaking to Vetinari. Since Carrot is, of course, very much not the King of Ankh-Morpork his reminding of Vetinari is all that is required for Vimes to get his new position and rank.

Adaptations: None known

Favourite Quotes: 
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

"'Chapter Fifteen, Elementary Necromancy'", she read out loud. "'Lesson One: Correct Use of Shovel...'"


It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

Reading Time: Started Sunday 28th June 2015 - Finished Wednesday 1st July 2015

Published: 1998

Plot Summery: The story opens weeks after the events of Interesting Times, in which Rincewind is magically transported to the continent of Xxxx due to a miscalculation made by the Unseen University wizards. He meets the magical kangaroo Scrappy, who was sent by the creator of Fourecks. Scrappy explains to Rincewind that he is fated to bring back "The Wet," meaning the rain, and that he is the reason for the eons-long drought. Scrappy says that the continent is unfinished, and time and space will be an eternal anomaly there until it is finished, i.e. the rain is brought back. Rincewind is shown cave paintings of Wizards.

Meanwhile, the senior wizards are trying to find a cure for the Librarian's magical malady, which causes him to transform into a native object, such as a book when near a library, whenever he sneezes. The wizards soon find out that the books in the Library become hostile and attack when not in the librarian's care. The wizards cannot cure the Librarian without knowing his name. The Librarian, being also the archivist, destroyed any evidence of his true name since he believed the wizards would attempt to turn him human again, as he rather enjoyed his orang-utan body. The Lecturer in Recent Runes suggest they interrogate Rincewind, as he once worked closely with the Librarian and seemed to know more about him than anyone else. To find Rincewind, they have to find the continent of Xxxx. They seek out the Egregious Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography, and find his office but no sign of the professor himself. They then find a magical window in space leading from the professor's bathroom to a tropical island thousands of years in the past.

Back in the present, Rincewind attempts to run away from his destiny, but in fact runs towards it. With the secret assistance of Scrappy, he eventually ends up wrongfully arrested for sheep theft and taken to Bugarup, where he is hoping to find a ship to escape on. Along the way he subsequently ends up inventing several things that are considered Australian Icons in the real world, for example beer soup (vegemite), putting corks on a string round his hat to keep flies off, as well as becoming the subject of a ballad that is hinted at being a parody of the song "Waltzing Matilda" when he is caught apparently stealing a sheep by a billabong. A gigantic circular storm surrounding Fourecks prevents any ships from leaving, however. The people of Bugarup are enthusiastic for Rincewind, since they regard sheep thieves as folk heroes and encourage him to escape, while not actually allowing him to. He finds a hidden message on the ceiling of his holding cell, left by a previous escapee named Tinhead Ned, a reference to the infamous bushranger, telling him to check the hinges on the door. He discovers that he is able to lift the door off its hinges and escape.

The wizards become trapped when Mrs. Whitlow, the head maid, brings them their breakfast and inadvertently closes the window that leads back into the Professor's study. The wizards soon encounter plants that rapidly evolve to suit their needs but do not question the turn of events until a large dinosaur evolves into a chicken in front of their eyes. After finding a plant-based boat, the wizards start to question their surroundings even more and the god of Evolution, who has been causing the events, then turns up and helps explain things a bit. The wizards then reach Fourecks and meet the Creator of Fourecks (not of the Disc) in the process of creating it by way of impressionistic cave paintings. The wizards bicker over the Creator's technique and inadvertently create the duck-billed platypus. The Librarian meanwhile steals the Creator's bullroarer and spins it, causing the drought Rincewind is in the process of stopping. The wizards are then frozen in time for thousands of years by the stray magic left over from creating the continent.

Rincewind, having escaped from gaol, invents the Peach Nellie, and then meets up with a group of female impersonators, Darleen and Letitia, and a female, Neilette. The "ladies" have found his Luggage, which rescues him from the Watch. In the escape, Rincewind and Neilette break into the old brewery. An earthquake (induced by the voice of the creator) causes the brewery to collapse, trapping them inside the Luggage. When they emerge, Rincewind can see the ethereal outlines of the wizards (who were trapped, frozen in time, for thirty thousand years in the brewery). Eventually he arrives at the University of Fourecks (which has a tower that is taller on the inside than it is on the outside). Rincewind figures out how to free the wizards, by drawing a picture of them, as the Creator did to create animals and plants in the past. The wizards attempt to find a way to bring back the rain, but are unsuccessful. As they are sitting around, Rincewind idly twirls the Bullroarer, which soon begins to fly faster and farther than it should. Rincewind lets go and the bullroarer flies off; immediately, it begins to rain.

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes: 
"When it's time to stop living, I will certainly make Death my number one choice!"

"When You're Up to Your Ass in Alligators, Today Is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life."


hey say the heat and the flies here can drive a man insane. But you don't have to believe that, and nor does that bright mauve elephant that just cycled past.

Reading Time: Started Thursday 2nd July 2015 - Finished Sunday 5th July 2015

Feet of Clay and Hogfather- Discworld Reading Challange

Ok, so it's been forever since I did one of these and I'm at least 8 books ahead so it's time to play catch up. I have the notes written, I just need to type them all up.

Published: 1996

Plot Summery: Twelve of the city golems, clay creatures forced to obey the written instructions placed inside their heads, decide to create a "king" golem. They fashion a golem from their own clay and place in his head instructions that would fulfill their hopes: "Bring peace to the world", "Treat everyone fairly" and so on. They enroll the help of a priest and dwarf bread baker to write the sacred instructions and bake the clay, respectively; Meshugah, the "king" golem, is initially sent to work in a candle factory, and later murders the priest and baker who took part in his creation.

Around the same time, a cabal of Ankh-Morpork's guild leaders seeks to gradually depose the Patrician, replace him with Nobby Nobbs as the new king and rule the city through him.

To implement this, the cabal orders the golems' newly made king, Meshugah, to make poisoned candles and have them delivered to the palace. Vetinari is successfully poisoned, making him severely ill. Meshugah, however, is "overloaded" by all the different instructions his creators gave him, and goes "mad": he starts overworking and, when he finishes raw materials, he rampages through the city.

At this point the City Watch steps in trying to solve the murders and the poisoning of Lord Vetinari. With the assistance of their new forensics expert dwarf Cheery Littlebottom, Commander Vimes and Captain Carrot slowly unravel the mystery.

Carrot and Dorfl, one of the golems, fight and defeat the golem king at the candlestick factory. Afterwards, Vimes confronts the city's chief heraldry expert, a vampire, who instigated the whole affair. Dorfl arrests him despite tenuous evidence and Vimes burns down all the heraldic record as retribution against the "elite" and "noble" plotters, who had happily and self-righteously sacrificed the lives of several "commoners" in the pursuit of their scheme.

In the end, Vetinari has recovered completely, Dorfl is sworn in as a Watchman, Vimes gets a pay rise, and the Watch House gets a new dartboard. Vetinari reveals to his assistant, Drumknott, that he had known of the plot for some time already. Vimes' rash actions in the pursuit of truth had considerably scared the city elite, which is precisely why Vetinari had let him continue: so that the plotters would know just how much worse off they'd be if Vetinari died.

Adaptations: None known

Favourite Quotes: 

I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE.

There were no public health laws in Ankh-Morpork. It would be like installing smoke detectors in Hell.

"Today Is A Good Day For Someone Else To Die!"

It was hard enough to kill a vampire. You could stake them down and turn them into dust and ten years later someone drops a drop of blood in the wrong place and guess who's back? They returned more times than raw broccoli.

Reading Time: Started Thursday 18th June 2015 - Finished Tuesday 23rd June 2015

Published: 1997

Plot Summery: In the novel, the Auditors strike again by deciding to eliminate the Hogfather because he does not fit into their view of the universe. They meet with Lord Downey, head of the Assassin's Guild, and commission the services of Mr Teatime, whose particular brand of insane genius makes him an ideal candidate for the assassination of the Hogfather and other anthropomorphic personifications.Death decides to take over for the Hogfather in order to make people continue to believe in him, wearing a long red cloak and a beard, but things start to become complicated because he is taking the children's wishes too literally.

Meanwhile, Death's granddaughter Susan must find out what's happened to the real Hogfather. She visits his Castle of Bones only to find the hung-over Bilious, the "Oh God" of Hangovers, whom she rescues before the castle collapses due to the lack of belief. In an attempt to cure Bilious, Susan visits the Unseen University, where it is discovered that several of these small gods and beings are being created. The University's thinking machine, Hex, explains that there is 'spare belief' in the world – due to the absence of the Hogfather – which is being used to create them.

Susan and Bilious then travel to the land of the Tooth Fairy where they discover that Jonathan Teatime has 'killed' the Hogfather by collecting millions of children's teeth and using them to control the children, forcing them to stop believing in the Hogfather. Upon throwing the Assassin off the tower and apparently killing him, Susan clears the teeth away and brings back the Hogfather by rescuing him from the Auditors, who have taken the forms of dogs. They cannot return to their original state and so cannot stop themselves falling off a cliff.

Afterwards, Teatime tracks Susan to the Gaiters' nursery, but is killed by Susan using the nursery poker, which passes through Death because "it only kills monsters".

Adaptations: A two-part TV series of Hogfather was screened on the 17 December and 18 December 2006 (8:00 p.m.) on Sky One in the UK, with Ian Richardson as the voice of Death and David Jason playing Death's manservant Albert. Terry Pratchett himself had a brief cameo as the toy-maker.

Favourite Quotes: 

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

"Real children don't go hoppity-skip unless they are on drugs."

Reading Time: Started Wednesday 24th June 2015 - Finished Saturday 27th June 2015

Interesting Times and Maskerade - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1994

Plot Summery: Two gods, Fate and the Lady, oppose each other in a game over the outcome of the struggle for the throne of the Agatean Empire on the Counterweight Continent.

The Patrician of Ankh-Morpork receives a demand that the "Great Wizzard" be sent to the distant Agatean Empire, and he orders Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully of Unseen University to comply. As the spelling, "Wizzard," matches that on Rincewind's hat, the faculty decide to send him. Using the machine Hex, which has seemingly been augmenting its own infrastructure, they teleport him to the University from a desert island where he has been living since the events of Eric. They offer him the right to call himself a Wizard, which he never actually earned, if he will let them send him to Agatea; he agrees. 

As is typical for Rincewind, his dedicated efforts to run from any kind of danger quickly embroil him in momentous events, and coincidence makes it appear on several occasions that Rincewind is responsible for significant feats of magic. He encounters his friend Cohen the Barbarian, now accompanied by a "Silver Horde" of elderly warriors, who is planning to infiltrate the Empire and live a luxurious retirement by taking over as Emperor. Rincewind eventually learns that the first Agatean Emperor supposedly conquered the land with the assistance of a "Great Wizard" and a "Red Army." Now, a new "Red Army" movement of young people, dedicated mainly to the promulgation of mildly worded slogans, has been inspired by a supposed revolutionary tract, which turns out to be a travelogue of Ankh-Morpork written by Rincewind's erstwhile traveling companion, Twoflower, whom Rincewind ends up freeing from a dungeon and whose two daughters are leaders of the Red Army. It turns out that the villainous Grand Vizier, Lord Hong, has made the harmless Red Army appear to be a threat to the Empire and had Rincewind brought to Agatea so that he could blame the problems on foreigners, then put the "revolution" down violently and turn to the conquest of Ankh-Morpork, whose culture he secretly seeks to emulate. But when Hong murders the Emperor with the intention of framing the Red Army, it inadvertently creates the opportunity needed by the Silver Horde, who have infiltrated the palace. 

As the battle begins, Rincewind flees and inadvertently discovers the actual Red Army, a multitude of terra cotta warriors that can be controlled by magical armor that he accidentally dons. The automatons destroy the Agatean forces. Once Cohen realizes that he is now recognized as the Emperor, he prepares proclamations to relax the regime's oppression of the people. He invites Rincewind to serve as Chief Wizard and found his own university, which convinces Rincewind that something horrible is about to happen. 

The Luggage had followed Rincewind to its native Agatea, but became distracted by meeting and mating with a female Luggage. Upon Rincewind's disappearance, the Luggage leaves its mate and their offspring to once again follow its owner.

The Lady has won the game against Fate. And she interfered in Hex's calculations so that Rincewind is teleported to the unexplored continent of XXXX where he lands safely, while a XXXXian kangaroo (instead of Rincewind) suffers a fatal collision with a wall at Unseen University.

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes: "Stercus, stercus, stercus, moriturus sum."

"Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad."

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Reading Time: Started Friday 5th June 2015 - Finished Friday 12th June 2015 

Published: 1995

Plot Summery: The story begins with Agnes Nitt leaving Lancre to seek a career at the Opera House in Ankh-Morpork. When Granny Weatherwax realizes Nanny Ogg has written an immensely popular cookbook but has not been paid by the publisher, the witches also leave for Ankh-Morpork to collect the money, as well as to attempt to recruit Agnes into their coven, to replace Magrat Garlick who left the coven when she became Queen of Lancre (in Lords and Ladies). This has the side benefit of distracting Granny from becoming obsessive and self-centred, or so Nanny believes to her great relief.

Agnes Nitt is chosen as a member of the chorus, where she meets Christine, a more popular but less talented girl. The Opera House Ghost, who has long haunted the opera house without much incident, begins to commit seemingly random murders staged as "accidents", and also requests that Christine be given lead roles in several upcoming productions. Due to her incredibly powerful and versatile voice, Agnes is asked to sing the parts from the background, unbeknownst to Christine or the audience.

Having discovered the problems at the opera house and also having coerced the publisher to pay Nanny richly for her book, the witches investigate the mystery, with Granny posing as a rich patron, and Nanny insinuating herself into the opera house staff. Agnes unmasks Walter Plinge, the janitor, as the ghost, though as he is seemingly harmless, the others are unconvinced. Another employee is suspected, but turns out to be a member of the Cable Street Particulars. The witches determine that the finances of the Opera House, which are a complete mess, have been made so intentionally in order to hide the fact that money is being stolen, with the murders being used either as a distraction or to cover evidence.

It is finally revealed that two people had been masquerading as the ghost. The original (and harmless) ghost, Walter Plinge, was being psychologically manipulated by the second ghost, who assumed the identity to commit the murders and theft. With the witches' help, Walter is able to overcome his fears and help defeat the murderer.

Adaptations: A stage adaptation by Hana Burešová and Štěpán Otčenášek (partly using adaptation by Stephen Briggs) premièred in Divadlo v Dlouhé, Prague in April 2006. Pratchett attended the closing performance five years later

Favourite Quotes: 

Ahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Aahahaha!

BEWARE!!!!!

Yrs sincerely

The Opera Ghost

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

"...my father is the Emperor of Klatch and my mother is a small tray of raspberry puddings."

A day ago the future had looked aching and desolate, and now it looked full of surprises and terror and bad things happening to people... If she had anything to do with it anyway.

Reading Time: Started Saturday 13th June 2015 - Finished Wednesday 17th June 2015

Men and Arms and Soul Music - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1994 

Plot Summery: Edward d'Eath, an Assassin and son of a down-and-out noble family, becomes convinced that the restoration of the Ankh-Morpork monarchy will solve the social change in the city which he blames for his family's humbling. He researches the history of the royal family and determines that Carrot Ironfoundersson is in fact the rightful heir to the throne. 

Meanwhile, Captain Samuel Vimes, captain of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, prepares for his imminent wedding to Sybil Ramkin, the richest woman in Ankh-Morpork. He also must deal with a new group of recruits that he has been required to take on for the sake of diversity: Cuddy (a dwarf), Detritus (a troll), and Angua (a werewolf--but Carrot is unaware of this, and believes she is included because she is female). When a string of seemingly random murders occur among the Guilds of the city, Lord Vetinari forbids Vimes to investigate in a successful ploy to ensure Vimes does investigate. Cuddy and Detritus are forced to work together, resulting in them becoming friends as they overcome their deep-seated racial enmity. Angua works with the talking dog Gaspode, and also forms a romantic connection with Carrot, who loses his virginity to her but handles the discovery that she is a werewolf poorly. 

It turns out that d'Eath has stolen the gonne, the Disc's first and only handheld firearm, from the Assassins' Guild, with the intention of discrediting Vetinari's government through the murders. Any possessor of the gonne seems to become obsessed with the device. After d'Eath reveals his plan to Dr. Cruces, head of the Assassin's Guild, Cruces murders him and takes up the plan himself. The Watch prevent Cruces from killing Vetinari, but Cuddy and Angua are killed in the process. Vimes and Carrot confront and disarm Cruces, and Carrot helps Vimes resist the gonne's allure. Cruces gives Carrot the evidence that he is the royal heir, upon which Carrot kills Cruces with his sword and has both the evidence and the dismantled gonne buried with Cuddy. As a werewolf can only be killed with a silver weapon, Angua is revived upon the moon's rising. 

Vimes and Ramkin are married. Recent events have raised the Night Watch's profile, bringing a slew of new recruits. Carrot visits Vetinari, who is expecting Carrot to make personal demands as he is now in a strong position to blackmail the Patrician. What Carrot actually brings is a request for Vetinari to implement a plan for reforming the City Watch into an effective, integrated, comprehensive police force with better working conditions. Vetinari accedes, making Carrot Captain of the Watch and elevating Vimes to the recreated position Commander of the Watch, and the rank of Knight. 

Adaptations: None Known 

Favourite Quotes: If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have gotten no further because of all the people saying "What colour?"

- "It could be a torture chamber or a dungeon or a hideous pit or anything!"

- "It's just a student's bedroom, sergeant." 

- "You see?" 

From the back, Vetinari looked like a carnivorous flamingo

Reading Time: Started Monday 25th May 2015 - Finished Saturday 30th 2015 

Published: 1994 

Plot Summery: A young harpist, Imp Y Celyn from Llamedos, comes to Ankh-Morpork in hopes of becoming famous. Unable to afford the Musicians Guild fees, he and fellow unlicensed musicians Lias Bluestone (a troll percussionist) and Glod Glodsson (a dwarf hornblower) form "The Band with Rocks In," named after Lias' tuned rocks. When Imp's harp is destroyed, he acquires a guitar from a mysterious shop, unaware that it contains the awareness of a primordial music that was responsible for bringing the universe into existence. Imp takes the new name "Buddy," as "Imp Y Celyn" literally means "bud of holly," and Lias starts calling himself "Cliff." 

Meanwhile, Death is upset over the deaths of his adopted daughter Ysabell and her husband, his former apprentice Mort. Their daughter, Susan Sto Helit, was initially raised with an awareness of Death as her grandfather, but they later withheld the truth from her and she forgot about it. When Death abandons his post in an effort to forget the painful memories, the fabric of reality forces Susan to take on his duties and she begins to remember her past. She becomes aware of Buddy when he is scheduled to die in a riot while performing at the Mended Drum, but instead the crowd is overcome by the spirit of "Music with Rocks In," which apparently has no musical merit for objective listeners not themselves possessed by it. After this, Buddy's life is powered by the music instead of by his natural life force. 

Buddy is becoming less and less like himself, and barely seems aware of his surroundings when he is not playing the guitar. Susan tries to protect him from the influence of the music; though she does not acknowledge it, she has developed feelings for him. Buddy wants to perform a free concert at the music's behest, and Dibbler agrees after realizing how much of a profit he can earn through merchandising and concessions. A large number of the copycat bands participate in the largest concert of all time, culminating in the Band with Rocks In's performance. Buddy also performs his own folk song on his harp, which Glod has had repaired, which briefly restores Imp's natural personality and grants him a moment of peace. Afterwards, the band flees from their crazed fans, pursued by the Musicians Guild, Dibbler, Susan, and Death (who has been brought back to his senses by his servant Albert). The music intends to create an immortal legend by crashing the band's coach into a gorge, with no survivors. Susan rescues them, but the music begins to alter the timeline so the band will have died. Death then arrives, playing an "empty chord" on the guitar to stop the music, having Buddy play a chord to restart it, and then destroying the guitar. 

A new timeline is created in which Mr. Clete was the only fatality, although Susan remains aware of the original course of events. She is returned to school (and also has been there all along) with a new self-assurance. The next day, she runs to reunite with Imp upon realizing that, in the new version of events, he came to Quirm instead of Ankh-Morpork and is working nearby. 

Adaptations: An animated adaptation was produced by Cosgrove Hall Films for Channel 4 in 1996. 

Favourite Quotes: People came to Ankh-Morpork to seek their fortune. Unfortunately, other people sought it too.

The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one.

The Patrician was a pragmatist. He never tried to fix things that worked. Things that didn't work, however, got broken.

Reading Time: Started Sunday 31st May 2015 - Finished Thursday 4th June 2015 

Small Gods and Lords and Ladies - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1992

Plot Summery: The Great God Om tries to manifest himself once more in the world, as the time of his eighth prophet is nigh. He is surprised, however, when he finds himself in the body of a tortoise, stripped of his divine powers. In the gardens of Omnia's capital he addresses the novice Brutha, the only one able to hear his voice. Om has a hard time convincing the boy of his godliness, as Brutha is convinced that Om can do anything he wants, and would not want to appear as a tortoise.
With the help of Ephebe's Great Library, and the philosophers Didactylos, his nephew, Urn, and Abraxas, Om learns that Brutha is the only one left who believes in him. All others either just fear the Quisition's wrath or go along with the church out of habit.  Realizing his 'mortality' and how important his believers are to him, Om begins to care about them for the first time.

On the desert's edge, Vorbis attempts to finish off Om's tortoise form, abducts Brutha, and proceeds to become ordained as the Eighth Prophet. Brutha is to be publicly burned for heresy while strapped on a heatable bronze turtle when Om comes to the rescue, dropping from an eagle's claws onto Vorbis' head. As a great crowd witnesses this miracle they come to believe in Om and he becomes powerful again. Om manifests himself within the citadel and attempts to grant Brutha the honour of establishing the Church's new doctrines. However, Brutha does not agree with Om's new rule and explains that the Church should care for people while having a tolerance for other religious practices.

In the book's conclusion Brutha becomes the Eighth Prophet, ending the Quisition and reforming the church to be more open-minded and humanist. Om also agrees to forsake the smiting of Omnian citizens for at least a hundred years. The last moments of the book see Brutha's death a hundred years to the day after Om's return to power and his journey across the ethereal desert towards judgement, accompanied by the spirit of Vorbis, whom Brutha found still in the desert and took pity on. It is also revealed that this century of peace was originally meant to be a century of war and bloodshed which the History Monk Lu-Tze changed to something he liked better.

Adaptations: In 2006 the book was adapted as a serial for BBC Radio 4. A stage version of Small Gods was adapted in 2010 and performed between 17 and 19 February 2011 at The Assembly Rooms Theatre, Durham by OOOOK! Productions and members of Durham Student Theatre.

Favourite Quotes: "That's right," he said. "We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am."

"It's a god-eat-god world."

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.

"I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts," said Brutha. "That way, everyone's happy."


Reading Time: Started Wednesday 13th May 2015 - Finished Tuesday 19th May 2015

Published: 1992

Plot Summery: Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, and Magrat Garlick return to Lancre after their recent adventure in Genua. Magrat is stunned when King Verence proclaims their imminent marriage, having already made all the arrangements in her absence. The sudden appearance of crop circles reveals to Nanny and Granny that it is now "circle time," a convergence of parallel universes when the Discworld is susceptible to incursions from the "parasite universe" of the Elves. They are normally kept away by a circle of magnetized iron standing stones known as the Dancers. When Nanny and Granny refuse to explain the situation to Magrat, she leaves the coven, disavows witchcraft, and moves into an apartment in Lancre Castle. She soon becomes bored with the courtly lifestyle and unsure of her place.

 

Granny and Nanny discover that a group of local girls, led by Diamanda Tockley and including Agnes Nitt, have formed a new coven whose activities include dancing naked at the Dancers. The two elderly witches try to convince them to stop, with Granny ultimately besting Diamanda in a public witchcraft contest and discrediting the new coven. But a defiant Diamanda later runs through the Dancers into the land of the Elves, where she is knocked unconscious by a poisoned Elven arrow before being rescued by Granny. Nanny subdues an Elf that pursues them back into Lancre, using an iron fireplace poker. The witches bring Diamanda and the Elf to Lancre Castle, where Magrat treats Diamanda and Verence agrees to imprison the Elf.

 

Jason Ogg and the other Lancre Morris Men plan a play to be performed for the wedding guests. When they rehearse near the Dancers, the Elves influence them to include Elvish elements in the play. As a result, when the play is performed at the Dancers, it causes sufficient belief--a powerful force on the Discworld--that the Elves are able to make the guests dismantle the stone circle. The Elves arrive, and the Elf Queen plans to legitimize her rule of Lancre by marrying Verence. None of the members of the Lancre coven are present at this time. The women only become aware of what has happened once the Elves begin to wreak havoc in Lancre. Aided only by general dogsbody Shawn Ogg, Magrat fights her way though the infiltrated castle and sets out for the Dancers, while Granny  is captured by the Elves and Nanny travels through a gateway to the abode of the Elf King, who opposes the Elf Queen despite being her spouse.

At the Dancers, Magrat arrives to confront the Elf Queen at the same time as the people of Lancre, rallied by Shawn and Nanny. But the Elf Queen quickly subdues Magrat with glamour. The captive Granny mentally combats the Elf Queen and releases Magrat from the glamour before succumbing to the Elf Queen's attack, her prone body being covered by the bees from her hive, which have swarmed at the Dancers. When the Elf Queen turns her powers on Magrat, attempting to stop her resistance by dismantling her identity, she exposes the unexpectedly valorous core of Magrat's being, Magrat attacks and subdues the Elf Queen just in time for a projection of the Elf King to arrive and send the Elves back to their world.Granny appears to be dead, but then Nanny and Magrat learn that she has actually borrowed her bees' hive mind; a feat thought impossible.

The book ends, with as happier an ending as is every found in discworld novels and leaves the door open for the next witches adventure
  

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes: 

I LIKE TO THINK I AM A PICKER-UP OF UNCONSIDERED TRIFLES. Death grinned hopefully.

 

The thing about iron is that you generally don't have to think fast in dealing with it.

 

"Go ahead, bake my quiche"

 

A heap of discarded garments by the bed suggested that Verence had mastered the art of hanging up clothes as practised by half the population of the world, and that he had equally had difficulty with the complex topological manoeuvres necessary to turn the socks the right way out.

Reading Time: Started Wednesday 20th May 2015 - Finished Sunday 24th May 2015

Reaper Man and Witches Abroad - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1991

Plot Summery:
The Auditors of Reality are beings who watch the Discworld to ensure everything obeys The Rules. As Death starts developing a personality the Auditors feel that he does not perform his Duty in the right way. They send him to live like everyone else. Assuming the name "Bill Door", he works as a farm hand for the elderly Miss Flitworth.

While every other species creates a new Death for themselves, humans need more time for their Death to be completed. As a result, the life force of dead humans starts to build up; this results in poltergeist activity, ghosts, and other paranormal phenomena. Most notable is the return of the recently deceased wizard Windle Poons, who was really looking forward to reincarnation. After several misadventures, including being accosted by his oldest friends, he finds himself attending the Fresh Start club, an undead-rights group led by Reg Shoe. The Fresh Start club and the wizards of Unseen University discover that the city of Ankh-Morpork is being invaded by a parasitic lifeform that feeds on cities and hatches from eggs that resemble snow globes. Tracking its middle form, shopping carts, the Fresh Start club and the wizards invade and destroy the third form, a shopping mall.

When humankind finally thinks of a New Death, one with a crown and without any humanity or human face, it goes to take Bill Door. Death/Door, having planned for this moment for some time, outwits and destroys it. Having defeated the New Death, Death absorbs the other Deaths back into him, with the exception of the Death of Rats (and ultimately, the Death of Fleas). Death confronts Azrael, the Death of the Universe, and states that the Deaths have to care or they do not exist and there is nothing but Oblivion, which must also end some time.

Adaptations: A fragment of this book was adapted in 1996 into a short animated movie entitled Welcome to the Discworld, featuring Christopher Lee as Death

Favourite Quotes:
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

I EXPECT, he said, THAT YOU COULD MURDER A PIECE OF CHEESE?

No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

Reading Time: Started Saturday 2nd May 2015 - Finished Thursday 7th May 2015

Published: 1991

Plot Summery:
Following the death of the witch Desiderata Hollow, Magrat Garlick is sent her magic wand, for Desiderata was not only a witch, but also a Fairy Godmother. Having given the wand to Magrat, she effectively makes Magrat the new Fairy Godmother to a young woman called Emberella, who lives across the Disc in Genua. Sadly, Desiderata does not give Magrat any instruction on the use of the wand, so pretty much anything that Magrat points it at becomes a pumpkin.  Desiderata had promised Emberella previously that she will not marry the Duke, who's really a prince/frog. and now it is up to Magrat and her companions (Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg) to ensure that Emberella does not marry the Duke, despite the desires of another Witch in Genua called Lily, Desiderata's counterpart. She used the power of her own reflection to capture Genua.

The journey to Genua takes some time and involves numerous mis-adventures, many of which resemble or parody well-known fairytales. Upon arrival in Genua, Magrat goes to meet Emberella, whilst the two older witches meet Erzulie Gogol, a voodoo witch and her zombie servant, Baron Saturday (who was also her late lover). It is at this time that Magrat finds out that Emberella has two Fairy Godmothers, Magrat and Lilith. It was Lilith who had manipulated many of the various stories that the Witches had traveled through and who was now manipulating Genua itself, wrapping the city around her version of the Cinderella story. At this point it is revealed that Lilith is actually Lily, Granny Weatherwax's older sister.

Granny manages to defeat Lilith by trapping her in a mirror, and the three Witches return home. Granny shows Magrat how to use the wand to do magic, that it takes more than wishing. Magrat throws the wand into a river, to be lost forever. Then the Witches go home, the long way, and see the elephant.
 

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes:
"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."

"Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there."

"You can't trust folk songs. They always sneak up on you."

"It pays to advertise," Nanny agreed. "This is Greebo. Between you and me, he’s a fiend from hell." "Well, he’s a cat," said Mrs. Gogol, generously. "It’s only to be expected."

 Reading Time: Started Friday 8th May 2015 - Finished Tuesday 12th May 2015

Moving Pictures - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 1990

Plot Summery: The alchemists of the Discworld have invented moving pictures. Many hopefuls are drawn by the siren call of Holy Wood, home of the fledgling "clicks" industry – among them Victor Tugelbend ("Can't sing. Can't dance. Can handle a sword a little."), a dropout from Ankh-Morpork's Unseen University and Theda "Ginger" Withel, a girl "from a little town you never ever heard of", and the Discworld's most infamous salesman, Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, who introduces commerce to the equation and becomes a successful producer. The business of making movies grows rapidly, and eventually Victor and Ginger become real stars, thanks to the help of Gaspode the sentient dog

 

Meanwhile, it gradually becomes clear that the production of movies is having a deleterious effect on the structure of reality. Ginger is possessed by an unspecified entity and she and Victor find an ancient, hidden cinema, complete with portal to the Dungeon Dimensions. Back in Ankh-Morpork, during the first screening of Blown Away which the senior wizards of the Unseen University are also attending, a creature from the Dungeon Dimensions breaks through, and Victor fights it having found out that with a camera pointing at him in real life works out the way it does in the movies.

 

The end is..... well lets just say, that's show business folks

Adaptations: None known

  

Favourite Quotes:
"Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h'an't noticed they're gone!"

 

- "I thought swords had to be straight."
- "Perhaps they start out straight and go bendy with use. A lot of things do."

 

In retrospect, Victor was always a little unclear about those next few minutes. That's the way it goes. The moments that change your life are the ones that happen suddenly, like the one where you die.

Reading Time: Started Monday 27th April 2015 - Finished Friday 1st May 2015