Night Watch and Monstrous Regiment - Discworld Reading Challenge

One thing to clarify before I play catch up again on the book reviews. Before anyone jumps up and down telling me I've missed a book out. I know. I made the decision to read Amazing Maurice and the Tiffany Aching Books all together at the end of the run so that I can read all of Tiffany's story in one go, finishing with The Shephard's Crown. It seemed the most fitting end to the challenge - that's not to say I don't have the book. I do and it's teasing me to read it but I'm going to behave (besides there are other family members who want to read it so they'll be finished by the time I want it). So back to the reviews

Published: 2002

Plot Summery: On the morning of the 30th anniversary of the Glorious Revolution of the Twenty-Fifth of May (and as such the anniversary of the death of John Keel, Vimes' hero and former mentor), Sam Vimes is caught in a magical storm while pursuing Carcer Dun, a notorious criminal. He awakens to find that he has been rescued by Miss Palm (whom Vimes knows in the future as Mrs Palm, Head of the Guild of Seamstresses – seamstresses referring to prostitutes). He determines that he has somehow been sent back in time.

Vimes's first idea is to ask the wizards at the Unseen University to send him home, but before he can act on this, he is arrested for breaking curfew by a younger version of himself. Incarcerated in a cell next to his is Carcer, who after being released joins the Unmentionables, the secret police carrying out the paranoid whims of the Patrician of the time, Lord Winder.

When he is taken to be interrogated by the captain, time is frozen by Lu-Tze, who tells Vimes what has happened and that he must assume the identity of Sergeant-At-Arms John Keel, who was to have arrived that day but was murdered by Carcer. It is stated that the event which caused Vimes and Carcer to be sent into the past was a major temporal shattering. Vimes then returns to the office, time restarts and he convinces the captain that he is Keel.

Young Vimes believes Vimes to be Keel, allowing Vimes to teach Young Vimes the lessons for which Vimes idolized Keel. The novel climaxes in the Revolution. Vimes, taking command of the watchmen, successfully avoids the major bloodshed erupting all over the city and manages to keep his part of it relatively peaceful. After dealing with the Unmentionables' headquarters he has his haphazard forces barricade a few streets to keep people safe from the fighting between rebels and soldiers. However, the barricades are gradually pushed forward during the night (by Fred Colon and several other simple-minded watchmen) to encompass the surrounding streets until Vimes finds himself in control of a quarter of the city, dubbed "The Glorious People's Republic of Treacle Mine Road", with a still alive Reg Shoe as one of the leading figures.

The ruler, Lord Winder, is effectively assassinated by the young Assassin's Guild student Havelock Vetinari, and the new Patrician Lord Snapcase calls for a complete amnesty. However, he sees Keel as a threat and sends Carcer to lead a death squad of Unmentionables, watchmen and the palace guard to murder Keel. Several policemen (the ones who died when the barricade fell in the original timeline) are killed in the battle, as is Reg Shoe; Vimes manages to fight off the attack until he can grab Carcer, at which point they are returned to the future and Keel's body is placed in the timeline Vimes has just left, to tie things up, as in the "real" history, Keel died in that fight.

Vimes' son is born, with the help of Doctor "Mossy" Lawn, whom Vimes met while in the past, and Vimes finally arrests Carcer, promising him a fair trial before he is hanged. A subsequent conversation with Lord Vetinari reveals that the Patrician alone knows Vimes took Keel's place, also that he fought alongside Keel's men against Carcer's death squad. He proposes that the old Watch House at Treacle Mine Road (where Keel was sergeant, and which was destroyed by the dragon in Guards! Guards!) be rebuilt.

Adaptations:  A five-part radio adaptation of the novel was broadcast on BBC Radio 4 from February 27, 2008 

Favourite Quotes:

"Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes."

When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."

“Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery.” 

Reading Time: Started Saturday 1st August 2015 - Finished Wednesday 5th August 2015

Published: 2004

Plot Summery: The bulk of Monstrous Regiment takes place in the small, bellicose country of Borogravia, a highly conservative country, whose people live according to the increasingly psychotic decrees of its favored deity, Nuggan. The main feature of his religion is the Abominations; a long, often-updated list of banned things. To put this in perspective, these things include garlic, cats, the smell of beets, people with ginger hair, shirts with six buttons, anyone shorter than three feet (including children and babies), sneezing, rocks, ears, jigsaw puzzles, chocolate, and the colour blue.

The list of "Abominations Unto Nuggan" often causes conflicts with Borogravia's neighbours, and the uncertain whereabouts of Nuggan leads the inhabitants of Borogravia to deify their Duchess, to whom they pray instead. This slowly causes problems as, on the Discworld, belief grants power. Borogravia is in the midst of a war against an alliance of neighbouring countries, caused by a border dispute with the country of Zlobenia. Rumour is that the war is going poorly for Borogravia, though the country's leadership (and "everyone") denies it.

Polly Perks's brother Paul is missing in action after fighting in the Borogravian army. Paul is a bit slow and not altogether right in the head, and even though Polly is more qualified to take over the family business (a famous pub known as "The Duchess"), according to Nugganitic law, women cannot own property, so if Paul does not return, the pub will be lost to their drunken cousin when their father dies. Accordingly, Polly sets off to join the army in order to find him. Women joining the army are regarded as an Abomination Unto Nuggan, so Polly decides to dress up as a man (another Abomination) and enlists as Private Oliver Perks (taking her name from the folk song Sweet Polly Oliver).

While signing up, Polly encounters the repulsively patriotic Corporal Strappi, and the corpulent Sergeant Jackrum. Despite her apprehensions regarding Strappi, she kisses the Duchess - that is, she kisses a painting of said noble - and by doing so, joins up. Due to the shortage of troops, her fellow soldiers include a vampire named Maladict, a Troll named Carborundum, and an Igor named Igor. They also include "Tonker" Halter, "Shufti" Manickle, "Wazzer" Goom, and "Lofty" Tewt.

That night, Polly encounters a mysterious voice, which assures her that although he or she knows that Polly is a girl, they won't give her away. The voice also gives her some hints on how not to be discovered. Over the next few days, Polly makes a startling discovery: Lofty is also a girl. Since Lofty and Tonker are always together, Polly assumes that Lofty joined the army to follow her man, just like in "Sweet Polly Oliver". Later, she finds out that Shufti is another girl, and a pregnant one. She also joined the army to find her man; in this case, the father of her child, who she'd only known for a few days, and is known as Johnny.

Gradually, Polly discovers not only that everyone in her regiment, except Maladict, is a woman, but also confirmation of Borogravia's bleak situation. Most of her country's forces are captured or on the run, and food supplies are limited. This point is driven home when Igor (actually Igorina) demonstrates her surgery talents and saves several lives among a group of badly injured fleeing soldiers.

The regiment, under the leadership of their inexperienced commanding officer Lieutenant Blouse, makes its way toward the Keep where the enemy is based. Meanwhile, thanks to a chance encounter where the regiment unknowingly subdues and humiliates an elite enemy detachment, including Zlobenia's Prince Heinrich, their exploits become known to the outside world through William de Worde and his newspaper. Their progress particularly piques the interest of Commander Vimes, who is stationed with the alliance at the Keep. Vimes has his officers keep track of the regiment, occasionally secretly providing aid.

Polly and most of the regiment are able to infiltrate the Keep, disguising themselves as washerwomen, and once inside plot to release the captured Borogravian troops. They manage to do so, and Borogravia is able to retake much of the Keep, but when Polly admits they are women, their own forces remove them from the conflict and they are brought in front of a council of senior officers, where their fate will be decided. With the council about to discharge them and force them to return home, Jackrum barges in and intervenes, revealing that several of the military's top officers are actually women as well. But in the midst of this revelation, the Duchess, now raised to the level of a small deity by Borogravia's belief, takes brief possession of Wazzer, her most passionate believer. The Duchess urges all of the generals to quit the war and return home, to repair their country, returning their kiss of service, and ending their obligation to her.

In the aftermath of this event, Polly eventually discovers that even Jackrum himself is a woman. The regiment is sent to the enemy and successfully negotiates a truce, and military rules are changed so that women are allowed to serve openly and Maladict reveals himself as really being Maladicta. Polly finds her brother alive and well and returns home to The Duchess. One of her regiment "sisters" becomes the new leader of her country, having been driven by religious visions.

Sometime later, despite the peace they had desperately fought for, conflict breaks out again. Polly sneaks away from her profitable tavern to seek new ways to fight a war using the influence she gained and finds herself in the role of commander of boy-impersonating females who are marching off to war. 

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes: 

“Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?” 

“The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people and no one has the right to be stupid.” 

“It's not lying when you do it to officers!” 

“It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.” 

Reading Time: Started Thursday 6th August 2015 - Finished Tuesday 11th August 2015

Crafty Catz DT - Golden Oldie

Morning all, it's another Friday and another challenge over at Crafty Catz.

This weeks theme has been set by the lovely Sue and she want's to see The Golden Oldie - this must be a stamp (rubber or digital) which has been in your collection for over 12 months. 

We are sponsored this week by Crafty Ribbons who are giving our lucky winners a £10 voucher to the shop

My stamp is from a Woodware Nativity set that I got in 2007 and just for a laugh, here's the card I made with it back then:

Sadly, I think it was the ink that I used on these cards which has led to the deterioration of the stamp and tragedy has struck as I beheaded Joseph when I removed the stamp from the block. I have a few other early cling stamps that I used Stazon ink on that have also turned brittle. But we live and learn. Thankfully I got a clean impression before this all transpired and was able to still go ahead and make this weeks card. 

I coloured the background with a lot of layers of Plum and Midnight blue, and the image with Gold, Cool Grey 1, Blush, Satin, Caramel, Cinnamon, Blue Pearl, Indigo Blue and the stable was coloured with Henna. I created my own stable template and raised it on foam pads. The star and the halos were finished with stickles stardust and a gold pearl in the centre of the star. 

I would like to enter this into the following challenges:

Crafting with an attitude - Anything Goes

I love promarkers challenge - Anything Goes

Simon Says - Anything Goes

Crafting from the heart - Anything Goes

Craft your Passion - Anything Goes

So there you go. I hope you like it and are inspired to join in this week at Crafty Catz. Until next time, happy crafting. 

Why Can't I Crochet?!

Of the many talents I have failed to master through the years - crochet and knitting are the two that come back to bite me the most. I actually have very little drive to learn either of them but then every so often something crops up that I really wish I could make. I'm lucky that mum and a friend at church knit, problem one solved. But neither can crochet and I'm gutted. 

A lovely lady who has been following my discworld marathon is also an avid Pratchett fan and has sent me the link to another Pratchett fan who has made a pattern for his fab discworld and sent me the link (most of which is free) but I can't crochet and I kinda really want a discworld! lol! 

All copyright of images, pattern, originality etc. belong to and remain with Ruthi - I just had to share! 

Amazing! What a talent!

Crafty Catz DT - Flowers

Morning all and welcome back to another Crafty Catz challenge.

Wow! what a week. I could literally crawl into bed and not emerge for 2 days I'm that tired, but despite that, no lie in this morning as I took the day off to take my sister in law out to celebrate her birthday with a Chocolate High Tea. I can think of worse things to get out of bed for!

Anyway onto the challenge. This weeks theme has been set by the lovely Janette and is Flowers. We're sponsored this week by the team at Bugaboo, who are offering our lucky winner 7 images of their choice. 

This week I've foregone a normal card so that I can play with my watercolour postcards again. I printed the image as a washout and dug out the old watercolour pencils to come up with this.

I found it really hard to get a true colour picture this week, but hopefully you get the idea. I had great fun playing with this image and I love the soft whimsical effect that has been created as a result. 

I hope you're inspired to make a card - or another craft project and will play along with us this week at Crafty Catz. Until next time, happy crafting! 

Thief of Time and The Last Hero - Discworld Reading Challenge

Published: 2001

Plot Summery: The Auditors are upset because the human race (although this appears to include all races on the Discworld, not just the humans) are living their lives in - what the Auditors consider to be - an unpredictable (and therefore not understandable) way. To fix this matter once and for all, they decide to convince a young clock maker, Jeremy Clockson, in Ankh-Morpork to build a perfect glass clock. They do not reveal that this will imprison Time (the anthropomorphic personification) and thereby freeze time (the physical quantity) on the Discworld. By freezing time, the Auditors intend to eliminate the unpredictability that humans cause through their everyday actions (and have enough time, for once, to file all the paperwork). Death discovers their plans, but is unable to act directly because he cannot see - and interact with - Time (the anthropomorphic personification). Instead, Death sends his granddaughter Susan to stop them, assisted (apparently) by the Death of Rats and Quoth the Raven.

Meanwhile, in a distant valley, a young apprentice of the History Monks, Lobsang Ludd, is apprenticed to Lu-Tze, known throughout the Oi Dong Monastery as 'The Sweeper'. Following a highly impressive patch-up job with time (the physical quantity) by Lobsang, he and Lu-Tze are brought before the Abbot, where they hear that a glass clock is being built. Lu-Tze knows of such a clock's side-effects, since he was sent to prevent a previous clock from being built in Überwald. However, due to the difficulties inherent in Überwald (including the difficulty in determining which specific bolt of lightning hitting which castle might start the glass clock) he failed to stop the original - but Time only froze for a moment before a metal spring snapped and caused the clock to shatter. Having figured out that the new glass clock would be likely built in Ankh-Morpork, Lu-Tze and Lobsang head for the city to try to stop Jeremy from building it.

The Auditors end up using one of their own as an agent when contacting Jeremy. Myria LeJean takes a human form and becomes quite disturbed by "her" experiences as "she" becomes more human and individual, as opposed to the collective Auditors. As she begins to understand more about humans, she opposes the activation of the clock and finds ways to delay its creation. This annoys the other Auditors who create human bodies of their own and - naming themselves after colours - they prevent Myria from smashing the clock with a hammer, and organise a localised storm, a bolt of lightning hits Jeremy Clockson's workshop and the clock is started. Lobsang Ludd is just smashing his way through the window of the workshop at the moment the clock starts, having been delayed when he went back to help Lu-Tze, but he is too late to stop it.

However, Lobsang is able to continue moving. He meets Susan Sto Helit (whose own attempts to stop the clock being started were less successful) and finds out after his time-storer stops spinning, that, as a creature not limited by time, he was not affected by the starting of the glass clock. Meeting up with Myria LeJean, they work to correct the problem and fight the Auditors. Since Myria is no longer part of the Collective hive mind of the Auditors, Susan suggests she change her name to Unity - which she likes.

Susan and the newly named Unity discover that Lobsang Ludd and Jeremy Clockson seem to share an astonishing mental connection. When Lobsang speaks, Jeremy (who was knocked unconscious by the lightning that started the clock and whose body was moved away from the Auditors by Myria/Unity) attempts to form the same words, despite his comatose state. Susan is able to shed light on this when she reveals that she met the midwife who brought Lobsang and Jeremy into the world - none other than the "best midwife in the world" - Nanny Ogg. Nanny has told her that she delivered two boys an instant apart and Susan realises that both Lobsang and Jeremy are the same person.

Lobsang and Jeremy become infused, although they are nothing more than blue mist to begin with. Susan continues to call the mist Lobsang, since she is told that "Lobsang had the better memories". Using chocolate, Susan, Unity and a re-animated Lu-Tze kill a number of Auditors (the taste sensation of chocolate literally blows them away) and Lobsang is able to destroy the clock, freeing Time and unfreezing time.

Throughout the story, Death is trying to round-up the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse, War, Famine and Pestilence, none of whom want to join up. The Fifth Horseman - Ronnie Soak (originally called Kaos - Soak spelled backwards - as in Chaos) who left before they became famous - agrees to join Death in the fight against the Auditors, and the other three also arrive as the battle prepares to start. Kaos is useful due to his sword of chaos, which goes against the rules and though flaming, is used to keep his milk cool. An Angel with an Iron book appears during the battle. It is not explained who won the fight, but since Death (at least) appears in books set chronologically later it can only be assumed that the Horsemen triumphed. 

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes:

"Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean."

Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.

"No running with scythes!"

Reading Time: Started Saturday 25th July 2015 - Finished Friday 31st July 2015

Published: 2001

Plot Summery: A message, carried by pointless albatross, arrives for Lord Vetinari from the Agatean Empire. The message explains that the Silver Horde (a group of aged barbarians introduced in Interesting Times, wherein they conquered the Empire, and led by Cohen the Barbarian, now the Emperor) have set out on a quest. The first hero of the Discworld, "Fingers" Mazda, stole fire from the gods and gave it to mankind (analogous to Prometheus), and was chained to a rock to be torn open daily by a giant eagle as punishment. As the last heroes remaining on the Disc, the Silver Horde seek to return fire to the gods with interest, in the form of a large sled packed with explosive Agatean Thunder Clay. They plan to blow up the gods at their mountain home, Cori Celesti. 

The heroes are disillusioned with the way their lives have turned out—having conquered the Empire, they have nothing left to do but die in comfort—and are angry for having been allowed to grow old, rather than dying in battle as most of their friends did. They decided to go out on the quest after one of the Horde members choked to death on a cucumber. 

The Wizards of Unseen University explain to Lord Vetinari that blowing up Cori Celesti will destroy the Discworld by temporarily disrupting the Disc's magical field—the only thing holding the Disc together—so Vetinari organises an effort to stop the Horde. Since the Horde is already near the centre of the Discworld and the home of the gods, speed is of the essence. Vetinari recruits Leonard of Quirm to design the Discworld's second known spacecraft to slingshot under the Discworld and back around the top, landing on Cori Celesti.

The vessel, named "The Kite" by Leonard, can carry only three people. Leonard of Quirm, Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson, and Rincewind are selected for the trip. The Librarian accidentally stumbles aboard as well, having fallen asleep behind some crates of equipment while loading The Kite. After a few mishaps, including landing on the moon (to replenish their oxygen supply after the Librarian's unexpected presence threatened to leave them without enough air to survive the trip) and nearly having their swamp dragon powered spaceship explode on them, they crash in a spectacular fashion at, or rather, into the main gate of Cori Celesti.

Meanwhile, the Horde have already reached Cori Celesti. The Horde suspect that the gods have been manipulating their entire quest. Fate challenges Cohen to a game where he must roll higher than what Fate rolls on a standard 6-sided die. After Fate rolls a 6, Cohen cheats Fate by slicing the die in-half in mid-air with his sword; the two halves land with the 6 and 1 both facing up. Cohen also notes that even if he doesn't succeed in killing the gods, someone will have tried, so someone will eventually try harder.

Captain Carrot attempts to arrest the Horde, at which point the Horde arms the explosives. While initially intending to attack him, the Horde realise that as a single brave man outnumbered by his foes and trying to save the world, Carrot is a Hero (and probably a king in disguise), and so their defeat is certain. After Rincewind explains that the detonation will destroy the entire Discworld, the Horde grab the explosives and throw them—and themselves—off the mountain.

As punishment for creating The Kite (which allowed humans to travel higher than the gods) and for not expressing belief in the gods, Leonard is ordered by the gods to paint the entire ceiling of the Temple of Small Gods with a spectacular mural of the whole world. They impose a time limit of 10 years on the task—unassisted, "even with the scaffolding". (Leonard finishes the task in a few weeks.) Carrot asks for a boon to allow for the repairs of The Kite so that they can return to Ankh-Morpork. Rincewind asks for a blue balloon and the Librarian asks for some library supplies (and a red balloon).

The Horde's end is ambiguous. Death does not appear to them, as he often does when Discworld characters die, although he subsequently appears to Vena, and is evasive about whether he is "collecting".

Adaptations: None Known

Favourite Quotes:

“Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough.” 

“‎No one remembers the singer. The song remains.” 

“On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance.” 

Reading Time: Started Saturday 1st August 2015 - Finished Wednesday 5th July 2015

Crafty Catz DT - New Beginnings

Morning all and welcome back to Crafty Catz Challenges

Did you miss us whilst we all had a little break? Well whether you did or didn't we're back with a fabulous new challenge set by Nick and sponsored by Crafty Sentiments. The theme is New Beginnings and our lucky winner gets 3 images of their choice. 

Now I'll hands up admit that my card is totally cased from a card done by the fabulous Vicky over at Clips and Cuts. If you've never seen her work, check her out and she has an amazing youtube channel too. 

So with that in my mind, here is this weeks creation:

I sort of wish I'd made the birdhouse bigger and sadly, the bird on the top didn't make it through the fussy cutting due to it being so small. 

The background is coloured with Cool Aqua and the rest of the image with Henna, Slate, Moss, Red, Poppy and Dusky Pink. 

The sentiment is a freebie I found on pinterest and the leaves are from a sizzix die set, dusted with memento forest green ink. 

So there we go. My card for this weeks challenge. I hope you like it and are all fired up to play along with us again at Crafty Catz this week. Until next time though, happy crafting. 

Ordination Card

Afternoon all, 

It's that time of the year again where there's priestly ordination's galore. I've been privileged to witness some of them and that also means that cards of congratulations were required. I hate the mass produced cards, they're boring at best and cheap and nasty at worst - so despite it being a really challenging type of card to make, I went back to the drawing board and drew inspiration as I normally do for ecclesiastical embroidery to create this card.

It's layered to give it some dimension and the whole thing is coloured with Derwent Inktense pencils and finished with pearls for some bling

I would like to enter this card into 

Crafting from the Heart - Anything Goes

Craft Your Passion - Anything Goes

Simply Papercraft - Anything Goes

Thanks for stopping by, until next time - happy crafting!